You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize