Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
