This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
