i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is Oprah even human
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
