She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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