Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
