He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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