We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
