I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
