just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
