I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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