it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
