Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
