I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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