Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
