i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
