It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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