just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
