I am midnight drunk by noon
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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