Are we in a gay sports bar?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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