dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
