so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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