And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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