Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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