So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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