I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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