Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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