I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
