Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
