Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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