Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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