i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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