There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
