Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
