Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
