I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
