I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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