I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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