Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
