So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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