great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
