My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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