So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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