i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How naked do you want me to be?
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