There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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