i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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