the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
