On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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