Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
