wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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