why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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