Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
