Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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