It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
