im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
