peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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