He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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