Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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