I'm eating all of the evidence.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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