you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
