I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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