So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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