can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
