he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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