I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
