I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
