just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
