well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
