yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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