I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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