you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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