I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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