Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
