Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
