I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
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noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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