So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
