I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
