I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
