Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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