Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
