so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
