I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
MIDGETS
????
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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