you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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